i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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