do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
