we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
40s are totally the cure
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
