eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am one with the molecules
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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