just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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