I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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