garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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