ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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