chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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