I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
