we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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