this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize