I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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