Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
