I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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