went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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