The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
