He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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