dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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