I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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