Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
