My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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