And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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