Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize