so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
