I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
