i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
