'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pants are for mortals
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize