my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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