If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
