The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We need to get me chipped asap
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think my moral compass just broke
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
