Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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