Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
