Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
