She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
