If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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