I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
