I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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