I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
