So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
