I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
