maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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