last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
