I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
