I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
