he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
