...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
