Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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