did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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