the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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