Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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