This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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