Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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