It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
