Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize