i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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