We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
