he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
