i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
