ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize