She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He felt like a one man threesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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