In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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