I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
