dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
