I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
