i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
