Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
