I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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