you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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