I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He passed out mid-signature
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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