Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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