Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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