I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
