If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
