I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
