I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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