it hurts more in the daytime
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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