I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize