dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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