My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
