"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
