I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
