Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize