I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
