Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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