You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
