I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
