My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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