Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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